Reflects, no rants.

I know you didn't really miss me. You probably didn't notice that I wasn't blogging. It's okay, you probably still know where I live or how to find me if you want to check up on me. My departure from blogging was abrupt, I apologize to those of you who care.

Life. Is. Stressful.

I'm trying to find, muddle and dance through life while dodging bullets and piles of shit while trying to take pictures of rainbows and hug lots of puppies. It's hard. I'm kinda wishing I'd taken dance as a child.

I won't lie; most of my stress is all job related. I feel like I'm drowning there. Where's my captain? I don't know.

Tiste is also still looking for work. We've recently discovered that I'm on overdose spending time with him. He's there when I wake-up, he's there on my way to work, he's there on my way home, he's there all night... He never goes away. Apparently after 4 months of this I final hit my wall. Friday night I sent him away for 2 hours and had dinner BY MYSELF. I know what you're thinking, you think because I'm up at 6am on the weekends and he sleeps until 9am that I should enjoy my quiet moments? I do, but it seems wrong to not want someone to wake-up while you rock out to music and do dishes or run the vacuum or talk on the phone. But, they do. The get cranky when they wake-up to such things... at 7am...

Anyway, we've discussed recently that maybe he should start volunteering somewhere. It would get him up and out of the house... things to do, things to talk about and PEOPLE. Dear god, PEOPLE. Not that he doesn't talk to people. He talks on the phone with one of his friends almost once a day but, he doesn't leave the house much at all. It's got to be depressing for him. In fact, I know it is. I'm actually looking for an online support group for myself. We talked about it yesterday. It's good to talk. I think it's even more important to know that we're not alone.

In the meantime, life is still good. We are happy, we love each other, we support each other, we TALK about issues, we do things about them and we try to see the world from the other persons point of view. These are all good things.

I was recently interviewed for a relationship podcast. My interviewer was keenly aware of the current struggles Tiste and I have been facing without him working. I listened to what I said after the taping... it was a lot about what I feel Tiste should be doing. It's allowed me some pause and reflection of the affect his unemployment has had on me.

I've withdrawn a little, I'm home more, I read a lot, I don't sleep well, I question if I'm supportive enough, I worry and I push a bit more than usual. Also, I miss my family more than ever right now. My Mom (my rock), My Dad (my inspiration) and even My Brother (my confidant). I've been contemplating life, in general.

All that being said, I'm happy. Every day we wake-up and we decide if it's a good day or a bad day before we're even out of bed. I've been talking to myself again... It's a good day, it's a worthwhile day... It helps! We all need times to remind us life is hard, but it doesn't work if you don't work at it.

Right? Right.

Love & Laughter

This is the best article I've ever read on interracial relationships. Tiste and I share something similar with this writer, we require a sense of humor surrounding typical stereotypes and negative experiences. If someone overhears us they often are taken aback and don't know how to respond. We have struggled with the idea of how to raise a mixed race baby in a world that still sees color; this gave us our answer - embrace it, make it funny and get over ourselves. It doesn't mean that it makes it hurt less when you're confronted with bigots but it certainly gives you a feeling that you are above their way of thinking.

Click on the pictures to see the whole thing.

...Baptiste, then and now...

Speaking of found pictures...

One day in 1996 I went to Stone Park in Ghent with two friends to work on a project. Tim was helping me by allowing me to photograph him for my class but Baptiste hated having his picture taken... However, we were joking around and I caught this image with Christ & St. Luke's Church in the background. Gosh, we were so young back then!

THEN (1996)



















My chimera, my protector, my Baptiste.


Last year for our first Christmas together, he asked what I wanted for Christmas. I'm a simple girl so I asked for a picture of him to put on my desk at work. He and our friend, Catie, went and took pictures around Norfolk. He made sure to have some of them taken in front of Christ & St. Luke's Church. I was surprised he remembered. I hadn't even mentioned it!

NOW (2007)

Promises, Promises

I didn't blog about it on Saturday because Tiste wanted me to wait and tell the parents at Christmas. But, I couldn't hold it in and I called my parents last night.

Tiste, my beloved, and I have been dating for *almost* two years. We've been living together for just over a year. Since the divorce I haven't been keen on getting married again and Tiste is from a divorced family; marriage isn't a bad word in our house but not necessary to define our commitment to our relationship. We talked briefly around Thanksgiving about something to symbolize our relationship. Rings? Pendents? We couldn't decide... at least I thought.

While I was getting my hair cut on Saturday he wandered over to Kay Jewelers and purchased my Christmas gift. A Promise ring, and it's beautiful. I was completely surprised and giggly about it! I'm such a girl sometimes.

When I told my mom about it she asked me what the promise was; did it mean he promised to do the dishes? *LOL*

Well, Tiste and I have joked since we started dating that I only claim him on Thursdays, Sundays and every other Monday. He claims me on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and every other Saturday. Last night we were joking around about it again and he said, "You know when you get your ring back from being sized, you're going to have to claim me every day". I smiled at him and said, "Gladly".

Who needs paper?

ALH luvs ELG

You know, sometimes you get up and you think it's just going to be an ordinary day. Yesterday was not that day!

I went to the mail to get my hair did; I know it doesn't look it but I am thrilled with the cut!


It was a good day.

The Bastard of the Couch

.... is a book of essays I'm reading about "27 Men Try Really Hard to Explain Their Feelings About Love, Loss, Fatherhood, and Freedom".

It's an interesting perspective.

I've always been interested in how relationships work. I'm not sure why but I've always felt I could navigate mine just a little bit better. I'm doing much better in communication realm. Being able to discuss things like personal freedom and relationship responsibilities; those can be hard things. However, when you're moving forward into a relationship where it's different from the social norm -- Which, incidentally, just happens to be where I live my life... -- How does one proceed?

I struggle to find the happy balance between the traditional female role and the post-feminism female role. Yeah, that's right - now I wanna stay home and raise children AND work 40 hours a week! Maybe it's because I'm so headstrong and independent? Yeah, it could be that... but, I've also been doing more reading over the years since my divorce on the post-feminism shift between male versus female roles. Hmm, what's it called? Oh, right... Gender-role identity.

It's not a bad thing. It's just this thing, that's there, that rears it's ugly head and says, "What do you mean housewife!? Wait, no - I'd like to be a housewife! Oh, wait... No, I'd really hate that." I've out earned my ex-husband and currently the BF. Does this mean that we take turns been June and Ward? Does this mean that I'm Ward and he's June? Just where do the gender-lines fall? I'm fine making more money than a significant other. If the roles were reversed; wouldn't I want them not to care either?

So, where's this going? I'm not really sure.

I know that Tiste and I are looking at the most economically reasonable way to proceed in our lives. Right now we're discussing him finishing school in something like Graphic Arts, which would increase his earning potential. Then, or overlapping, I'll go back to school to earn my degree in Business Administration or Education. That should put us in good spots to get jobs anywhere we want to live and/or possible freedom to work from home for at least one of us... And, tell me - just where do kids fit into this picture? *le sigh*