Reflects, no rants.

I know you didn't really miss me. You probably didn't notice that I wasn't blogging. It's okay, you probably still know where I live or how to find me if you want to check up on me. My departure from blogging was abrupt, I apologize to those of you who care.

Life. Is. Stressful.

I'm trying to find, muddle and dance through life while dodging bullets and piles of shit while trying to take pictures of rainbows and hug lots of puppies. It's hard. I'm kinda wishing I'd taken dance as a child.

I won't lie; most of my stress is all job related. I feel like I'm drowning there. Where's my captain? I don't know.

Tiste is also still looking for work. We've recently discovered that I'm on overdose spending time with him. He's there when I wake-up, he's there on my way to work, he's there on my way home, he's there all night... He never goes away. Apparently after 4 months of this I final hit my wall. Friday night I sent him away for 2 hours and had dinner BY MYSELF. I know what you're thinking, you think because I'm up at 6am on the weekends and he sleeps until 9am that I should enjoy my quiet moments? I do, but it seems wrong to not want someone to wake-up while you rock out to music and do dishes or run the vacuum or talk on the phone. But, they do. The get cranky when they wake-up to such things... at 7am...

Anyway, we've discussed recently that maybe he should start volunteering somewhere. It would get him up and out of the house... things to do, things to talk about and PEOPLE. Dear god, PEOPLE. Not that he doesn't talk to people. He talks on the phone with one of his friends almost once a day but, he doesn't leave the house much at all. It's got to be depressing for him. In fact, I know it is. I'm actually looking for an online support group for myself. We talked about it yesterday. It's good to talk. I think it's even more important to know that we're not alone.

In the meantime, life is still good. We are happy, we love each other, we support each other, we TALK about issues, we do things about them and we try to see the world from the other persons point of view. These are all good things.

I was recently interviewed for a relationship podcast. My interviewer was keenly aware of the current struggles Tiste and I have been facing without him working. I listened to what I said after the taping... it was a lot about what I feel Tiste should be doing. It's allowed me some pause and reflection of the affect his unemployment has had on me.

I've withdrawn a little, I'm home more, I read a lot, I don't sleep well, I question if I'm supportive enough, I worry and I push a bit more than usual. Also, I miss my family more than ever right now. My Mom (my rock), My Dad (my inspiration) and even My Brother (my confidant). I've been contemplating life, in general.

All that being said, I'm happy. Every day we wake-up and we decide if it's a good day or a bad day before we're even out of bed. I've been talking to myself again... It's a good day, it's a worthwhile day... It helps! We all need times to remind us life is hard, but it doesn't work if you don't work at it.

Right? Right.